The Bible does not give us much information as to the specifics of how we can help. It therefore falls back on using Christian principles which sustains our lives and therefore use them as we face death together. By way of example, James the beloved brother of John was killed by the government. We are not given information on how John dealt with the loss of his brother under such violent conditions. When Stephen was killed by the Jewish authorities, the Bible tells us that devout men carried Stephen to his burial and made great lamentation over him (Acts 8:2).
The Bible reveals to us the death of Aaron in Numbers 20. He died and the whole congregation mourned for him for some thirty days (verse 29). How did Moses feel about Aaron’s death? Miriam had died earlier and therefore Moses was the last one of the family (Numbers 20:1). How they grieved or how they felt is not revealed to us. There are two words which sometimes comes about under these circumstances. One is sympathy and the other is empathy. Sympathy means I grieve with you while empathy implies I have gone through the same thing. When trying to help people we do not need to focus on us but rather them. I may have the experience of having lost both my parents but when striving to help someone else it does not necessarily follow that I understand exactly how they feel.
The issue is not about being eloquent in our wording. The issue is opening our heart to assist someone with the pain in their heart. Taking time to be at someone’s home, or visiting at a funeral home sends messages about our caring. Flowers or cards likewise send a message. What we try to teach is that prayer is for the most part a private matter. We therefore should pray for those in sorrow. At times that is all we need to say. Reminding ourselves of our need for God and being there to help carry the burdens of those who are suffering. We should all be there for all those who pass away whether they were important or not. If we omit some families for that reason, we become guilty of James 2:4.