Life is sometimes filled with regrets. Something we should have said or done or perhaps things we wish we had never done. Looking back at the past is not always a bad thing but in truth can help us to be better people in the present. The danger in looking back is to be sure that we do not stay there but simply use the past as a stepping-stone of greater knowledge about God or about ourselves. The life of David, the second king of all Israel, had many ups and downs throughout. Each of us may in one time or another relate to something David was going through and learn from it. This article concerns five years in the life of David, the choices he made and the consequences of those choices.
He had a daughter that was raped by one of his own sons. The son being Amnon and the daughter being Tamar (2 Sam. 13). When David heard about this incident, the Bible says he was “very wroth” (2 Sam. 13:21). Then there is silence about what David did as a father and as the king. This was followed by the brother of Tamar waiting two whole years before arranging for the death of Amnon. After this the Bible states that David mourned for his son. Was he mourning for Amnon who had been murdered or for Absalom who had fled to Geshur. The text leads me to believe that he was mourning in a different way for Absalom.
From verse 37, we are told that David mourned for his son every day. Since normally the time for mourning was set for some thirty days, this points to the grief he felt for Absalom. What if he had reacted differently when Amnon violated Tamar? In our minds we can play over and over what things happened and how we might have done things differently. This, however, sets the stage for the next five years of David’s life. Absalom remained in Geshur for three years. Joab knew that the soul of David “…longed to go forth unto Absalom” (verse 39). The chapter closes with no movement on the part of David.
Chapter 14 opens up with Joab setting in motion a plan to get David’s permission to bring Absalom back. Absalom is brought back by Joab with one condition. Absalom would not allowed to see David’s face. This goes on for two whole years. Counting the three in Geshur and the two in Jerusalem we have five years that the father and the son could not meet together. Chapters 15-18 shows the attempt by Absalom to overthrow his father’s kingdom, ending with his own death. What about those five years in which something might have been done to have changed the outcome so very much?
At the start of the five years when Absalom fled to Geshur what could have happened to change things? Could not Absalom have made an effort to right the wrong with his dad? Could not David have given in and went to see his son? Three years passed with neither man making the first move. On occasions it is waiting for the other person to make the first move that years and opportunities can quickly get away.
The remaining two years shows both men living in the same area. How much easier now to make things right for both men. Just cross a few streets and knock on the door. The streets were crossed and the door was knocked on and David and Absalom met and were able to make things right (14:33). It was right in David’s eyes but not in Absalom’s. He begins in chapter 15 to take the place of David as ruler of Israel. One man regretted the five years while the other used the years as an excuse to build his resentment and anger. Regret can help us in the present if we learn to use it but not live in it.